the name

a few days after finding out we were pregnant, mark and i were on a plane to san diego to help our very good friends move back to the bay. on that very short plane ride, we had already decided on names. if a girl, her name would be "indigo" because that word just struck a chord with both of us. it's the color in the rainbow that no one really remembers, yet we both thought was a pretty color. and for a boy, the only name we could really agree on was the ever-so-popular "maddox"(thank you angelina) because it started with an "m" and ended with an "x" and we just thought it was cool dammit.

the weeks leading up to week 20 (the week where the doctor can officially find out the sex of the baby) were filled with a lot of daydreaming and fantasizing of how life is going to be with "a little one". good gawd...we were going to be parents!!!

of course we had to shop around the names. when we told our closest family and friends about "maddox", they seemed generally pleased. hoping to get a similar reaction and support for the name "indigo", we were shocked to see looks of disgust and confusion from our immediate family.

some of the responses were "why 'indigo'? that sounds like a boy." or "indigo? what about 'on-di-go'". ha. ha. ha. so not funny...but enough to make us re-think this whole name business. because "indigo" is such a tough-sounding, in-your-face, unisex sort of name, i proposed we move it to be the middle name. and because of my libra ways, i thought it would be nice to balance "indigo" with a more feminine, simple and sophisticated name. i immediately thought of "ava". one, because it reminds me of beauty. a lot of the ava's i know are beautiful inside and out. and two, it went well with our last name. oh, and three, because if you put this in pager code, ava is spelled "8118". why is this significant, you may ask? well, "18" is a running theme in our relationship. on our wedding day, we turned "18" on it's side so that it was the infinity sign with a bar over it, meaning infinity infinity. and in high school, we liked to talk in code and write letters to each other backwards because we thought we were smart and no one would figure it out. anyway, there's a lot of significance in this simple, 3-letter name. pretty cool, if you ask me.

it was november 30, 2009. first day of week 20. driving up to the doctor's office, mark was placing his bets on the baby being a girl. i was set that i had a baby boy energy brewing in me.

the technician that did the ultrasound looked like sue silvester from glee. very short and to the point. very cold. and very very butch. just what i was hoping for on a momentous occassion like this!

mark sat on the chair next to where i was prepping for the ultrasound. excitedly, i asked "so, this is the ultrasound i finally get to find out the sex of the baby, right?"

"no", the tech quickly answered. "this ultrasound is to ensure the health of your baby. if you're lucky and if you're baby lets you, you'll find out the sex."

"oh. ok." what a f*ckin bitch. thanks for ruining my moment.

she proceeded to squirt the cold gel onto my little baby bump, pressed down hard and moved the ultrasound wand-thingy round and round, took a few pictures and finally asked "hey, so you wanna know the sex of the baby?"

"yes!"

"see this thing here? well, it's looking like your bean is a girl!"

my first thoughts were "dammit. mark won. but wow...we were having a GIRL!!! oh, the shopping sprees...and mommy-daughter days...and the girl talks!!! i was so looking forward to this!" it made it all so much more real.

the rest of the visit was a blur. when we got back to the car, mark looked at me and said "so, ava indigo, ya?"

"yup."


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interestly enough, i came across a description of "indigo children" as i was writing this blog entry, which drew my attention since it seems very much related to ava's already distinctive personality. does ava fit this description? time will only tell.

indigo children have all, or a large number of, the following characteristics:
- ‘know their own mind’ from an early age
- independent & headstrong
- creative
- intuitive and have psychic abilities
- sensitive especially to animals
- easily bored and may be disruptive at school if the teacher doesn’t understand where they are coming from
- highly strung, or tense

for the most part, indigo children are identified by a channeled or a psychic who can see auras and identify them as having the distinctive deep inky purple twilight colored aura. these creatures are the beginnings of an evolution towards a more sophisticated race of humans that can communicate telepathically with each other. in theory, they are here to save the world from what civilization has wrought and we are supposed to protect them from harm.

otherwise, indigo children's characteristics include such traits as high sensitivity, high irritability, and compulsions that are difficult for other people to understand. these children may also be highly obsessive and over focused on details.

the day our lives would never be the same again

it was august 17, 2009. i woke up earlier than usual. my body had felt different from previous "time of the months". letting my woman's intuition guide me, i got up from bed and stumbled through the dark early morning hours to take a pregnancy test. yup, just as i suspected. it was positive. i non-chalantly walked the test over to mark.

"hey baby. wake up." i slightly jolted his shoulder. "wake up."
"huh?"
i showed him the test.
with one eye opened, he said "it's negative."
"no baby, look." i turned on his bedside lamp. he looked at the test, this time taking more time to focus on the tiny result window, then looked up at me and smiled.
"ohhhhhhhhhh."

mark scooted himself toward the middle of the bed, motioning me to lay next to him. dudley nestled himself closer to us as if he knew too. in silence, the three of us took in the moment.

eventually, the daily alarm went off and we got up and got ready for work, but this time, knowing our lives would never be the same again.